It’s no shocker because finances are a common issue in relationships or “marriages” and, it was one of our biggest downfalls. Not because we didn’t make decent money or couldn’t pay our bills but because I was paying 50/ 50 for all things, mortgages that didn’t have my name on them, bills, vacations, and even groceries. At the time, I didn’t know this would drain me and no longer make me respect him but I couldn’t change it.
Three years into our relationship we finally decided because he made three times as much as me, it was fair to adjust the bills. I remained paying a large portion of all bills just not exactly 50/50 but if he spent more on his mortgage I would pay more on other bills. The bills were never comfortable for me and I would spend the next 6 and a half years fighting to keep up with bills, investments, and vacations, while paying for two degrees and a certification, on top of medical bills. I did it, and then some but it created a chip on my shoulder because I was also cooking three meals a day, planning dates, and essentially taking care of myself, while taking care of him.
It wasn’t until 4- 6 months before our relationship ended that I was blessed with two random lump sums of money from solo investments I made that would pay off my remaining debt and help me set myself up. Then, while I was on my trip, he accidentally totaled my car (he was fine), giving me another large payout because my car was in great condition and almost paid off. These were all signs that in the moment, I was very fortunate to see they were blessings intended to help me leave my relationship.
Being spiritually aware, and staying consistent in prayer with God, was helping me stay strong, but also SEE the path he was creating for me to leave that situation.
Because of my relationship with Jesus and God’s word, this situation was the toughest but easiest choice and process, I have had the pleasure of experiencing, and it makes me so excited to see where He is leading me.
Eating alone is interesting because it is completely normal to eat alone at home but for some reason the second you go outside, it’s frowned upon if you are by yourself, eating. Even when I was in that relationship we made habits of doing things alone, for example, I went to see movies he didn’t want to see ( I don’t like scary & he didn’t do all musicals) or I would grab lunch he didn’t have a taste for but it’s better eaten there, like tacos and Sushi! Gotta admit tacos are a little better right there at the restaurant.
I got familiar with going out alone, starting with the movies! My favorite place! I get to go, by myself, buy everything ( without complaint, sit back and relax. This was a good start for me, my next step was to take my notebook or homework to a restaurant during lunchtime and sit and eat as I worked on my homework. Once I became comfortable with that, I started going out to eat with nothing to do and turning my phone off.
I once saw this video and she said “If you can eat alone, you can go out alone, if you can go out alone, you can fly alone and if you can fly alone, you can travel alone.” Again, I didn’t start doing these things with the intention to travel or be alone, they are things I did that showed me I had the tools to travel and be alone, when the time came.
Sorrento can be reached via local train from Napoli Central Train Station ( 5 euros) which is how I got there because I had no idea there was a bus that went straight there. After Surprice Rental Car wanted 1000 euros as a deposit in cash because I didn’t have a EU license, I left it… anyway….
Sorrento is a great hub for your stay because it has connections to other parts of southern Italy. For example, the local train back to Naples central train station is connected to the bullet trains to go up north, and the Sorrento train station has connections to buses that drive the other beautiful parts of the coast, Amalfi, Positano, and the hidden gem Ravello. You can also access the ferry to get to Capri and Sicily from the Marina in Sorrento.
The bus cost is no more than 10 euros a day depending on where you are going anywhere on the coast. The ride is 45 min – 1. 5 hour from Sorrento to Amalfi and you may need 4 hours, depending on what you want to do. Same for Positano and Ravello https://sitasudtrasporti.it/campania/
( The bus from Napoli airport to Sorrento Train Station 14-20 euros depending on the season https://www.curreriviaggi.it)
Taxi’s are expensive: Sorrento to Positano or Amalfi can range to 120 -200 euros, which Is the same cost to the Airport. For airbnbs that look like up in the hills ( Massa Lubrense) taxi’s can be 40 -70 euros to and from Sorrento train station.
Sorrento is a good central location but also has a beauty and charm of its own, beaches, restaurants, and plenty of shopping. I recommend either using Sorrento as a hub or spending 2 days there to see all it has to offer and decide on what souvenirs to grab as Sorrento has the BEST and CHEAPEST on the coast.
Restaurants I like:
Bar Monnalisa –Via Padre Reginaldo Giuliani 18 80067 Sorrento NA Italy O’ Schizzaiello – Via San Cesareo 79 80067 Sorrento NA Italy Zi’Ntonio-Via Luigi de Maio 11 80067 Sorrento NA Italy Fauno Bar S.r.l – Also has Night club – Sorrento Piazza Pizzeria Aurora – Sorrento Piazza Shub Wine bar -Via Santa Maria della Pieta 3-5 80067 Sorrento NA Italy
Other things to do and See in Sorrento:
Lemoncello Factory
Boat Tours of the Coast
Night Clubs
Rent a Scooter
Wine Tasting
Cooking Classes ( closer to Napoli)
I Love Get Your Guide! ( take it or leave it ) haha
Deciding to take my first solo traveling trip, out of the country, for a month, was an experience only God could have placed in front of me and was my true sign that my 10-year relationship was ending and that I needed to let it. Traveling alone for the first time was extremely scary but it also made me feel like I was unstoppable. There was something powerful about doing it all, physically and financially, on my own. After struggling and paying 50/50, going tit for tat with someone who made three times my salary, it gave me strength!! It also gave me a massive anxiety attack that landed me in the ER a few days before I left. But let’s back up and discuss how I ended up needing to go for a month to begin with. To say there wasn’t love there after 10 years together would be an absolute lie, He and I made a fantastic team but we were better off as friends. Within the first 2 years of our relationship, we moved to North Carolina from California and bought a home without being engaged or married. (First mistake) I should have known after dropping hints and getting the annoyed response that marriage was not in the picture. After 2 more years, still paying 50/50 working two jobs to pay my portion of the bills (another red flag, why am I working two jobs to pay half of his mortgage) when he made 3 times my salary. One day, It came out in conversation that marriage was not the plan and that he had been lying and never wanted to get married – 3 red flags, 4 years in… I left…
I moved, got my dream job, and started a new life an hour away, with friends, and dating, all is well. So well, that I thought, “Maybe the problem was me not being this independent in the relationship. This thought combined with a minimal amount of effort to win me back, seven months later, we got back together. He moved in with me, to my apartment, we sold the house and he paid no bills while we figured out the next steps. *smh* young and dumb at 26 -years old. However, this time was different, this time, arguments ended in gifts and jewelry, so he must be serious, he’s spending money.
After one particular argument, we took a trip to the pawn shop and got this terrible 3-stone engagement ring, that was 3 sizes too big. And when he absolutely refused to get the ring sized, I for some reason still wore it with pride. That ring was replaced about 7 months later after another argument about when we were getting married, that ring was given to me when I was staying at my mom’s house, in a little bag, the diamond, the ring, and the band, all un attached as if it was bought from the store moments before. I accepted this ring but later made him take the 2 carats floating in the bag diamond and perfectly set rose gold band back to the store because he kept complaining about the cost. We took it back and I picked a cheaper teardrop, double halo, white gold ring, that gave 2% of the sale to St Jude’s, the one he got sized and I wore for 5 years. I didn’t get her right away though, I was supposed to wait for the “right time” for the proposal. But in reality, it was given to me again, after an argument, 6-7 months after it was purchased, on the couch. Of course, I cried and believed this was our time. Almost 2.5 years later after arguing through the entire “engagement process”, attempts at setting a date sparked arguments about the “legality” of things. Showing my ring off caused him to roll his eyes and not want to pose for pictures or go without talking to me for days. ( New set of red flags, He could go 6-7 DAYS without talking to me, while being in the same house. Just basic hi, good morning, are you eating and goodnight” We finally decided to elope and mutually decided to figure out the logistics of legalizing it later. Emphasis on mutual because I did agree.. A part of the healing process is understanding what you did wrong and the parts you played in your situation, this is one of mine, I agreed to move forward with something, but in my heart, I knew it was wrong. I thought if we did elope he wouldn’t backtrack, he would have to. This was my fault entirely, a lot of it was, because I accepted it. So there I was, 10 years in total, not legally married, no kids, with a man who still wouldn’t give me $60 to cover “ my half “ of our groceries. Although the thought at 32 should have been “get the f ** out” & it was, sort of…. something told me to start with a solo trip to Italy, just in case the space would help us.
Travel.Relationship.Therapy.Repeat 